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MM#6: P.S. II (prod. by Eurostarz)

November 21, 2011

Fatherhood. Ahh!!!

If you’re a father, I salute you. If you’re scared to be one, I feel you. If you’re a mere sperm donor, I pray for you. P.S. II was conceived written based on something very close to me. I’ve wrestled many times internally about whether or not I’m ready to become a father…chances are there’s plenty of fellas that have gone through the same thing. First verse is from perspective of a child with an absentee father and how it affects his psyche. Verse 2 is me dealing with my own insecurities, and verse 3 looks at my own father as a towering, nearly unreachable standard of fatherhood. This song is a continuation of P.S. from The Raptism. If you haven’t heard it yet, check it out here for some background: http://eazy.bandcamp.com/track/p-s-2 .

After the audio + lyrics, check out some Youtube videos of my favorite hiphop joints with similar themes.
Audio:

Lyrics
So I feel like I’m a man, even though I’m still a child/Fifteen and never knew you, all my mama did was screw you/And I guess you havin’ the time of your life and livin’ wild/No regrets, not upset – I’m just sayin’ ‘I never knew you!/And my mama tries the best she can to raise a man/But it’s you I really need, please help me understand why/You never came by, to see about your son/Tears used to run down my cheek but now I can’t cry/Cuz I been hardened by your absence, the passage of time/Will make a mind grow callous, in the worst way/You never made my birthdays so now I’ve learned my lesson/No longer close my eyes in front of the cake just wishing for your presence/I mean that from the bottom of my heart but the truth is/If I saw you I wouldn’t know whether to hit you or hug you/So confused, all because I’m missing a piece to this puzzle/That’s how you feel when you haven’t got a father to love you

This is me talking right now, some issues of my own/Got some nerve writin’ ‘P.S.’ and saying it was about a song/Gotta own up to my own fears of being scared to drop a seed/Am I crazy, I mean really, what’s wrong with me?/I’m responsible but the man that I have grown to be/Is terrified to be a father, so I’m thinking, why bother/Tried to leave it at the altar at church one Sunday morning/But Monday I realized, I gotta face this for myself/Wife is saying now or never, family saying kids are treasures/But I’m not ready for my life to change, how do you measure/the preparedness of a person when the pressure seems to worsen/it’s like I’m ready but I’m not/like I’m racing against a clock/when I got goals and I got dreams that have yet to be achieved/must I put them on the back burner the moment we conceive?/that’s the problem though-it’s all I, I’m being too selfish/one time for anybody who remembers the day that they felt this

With all these insecurities I’m praying “God, grant me peace”/these demons I’m fighting, got me pacin’, got me writin’/when got somebody in you that I could strive to be/maybe that’s why I’m so scared because I can’t see/how I could live up to the standard that you’ve set as a father/could I nurture mine as you did? What’s the best that I can offer?/all the times that you were there for me, molded me so carefully/the times I didn’t listen, you and mama said a prayer for me/and I’d love nothing more than to do that for my seed you see/but I ain’t like that, I’m scared I’ll want my life back/and that’s not very fatherly, I know and so this bothers me/I know it’s wrong but these emotions are so raw for me/more than a song because these doubts won’t back up off of me/I’m not alone, but yet I feel like an anomaly/so I should probably end transmission right now/no more writin’ bout it, I gotta man up and face it/but thanks Pops….

Hiphop and Fatherhood

Little Brother, All For You (The Minstrel Show)

Lupe Fiasco, He Say, She Say (Food & Liquor)

T.I., I Still Luv U verses 2 & 3 (Trap Muzik)

Common, Retrospect For Life (One Day It’ll All Make Sense)

Tupac, Letter 2 My Unborn (Until the End of Time)

 

Be eazy.

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